These thoughts, I know, are important. They need to be recorded. But they are thought so fast that I don’t what I’ve been thinking before another barrage hits the first and I am left reeling in a mess of confusing ideas. There are days when the world seems bright and sunny, when life comes easy as pie but every now and then there is a dark spell.
A period shadowed by uncertainty which makes me wonder what is it that I’m really doing. Why am I having these thoughts flung at me by an inner self. There is no supreme effort on my part to organise these thoughts, having given up trying to find the patterns and look for ideas. Though I know that hidden away in this multitude of mental exertion is a simple but powerful thought – think about your self. Know your self. Be better towards your self. Find catharsis in your own voice. Make a friend in your self. Find your better half within you.
It has been more than a year since my last entry here. There have been a couple of tries which ended in half baked drafts which are shoddy to even skim through. Even right now I shudder to think about, all of the brain cells trying to hammer out word after word, trying to put some kind of motivation in me to make things BETTER!
Oh how I want to dance, just dance and roll under a moonless sky, watching the stars in their slow orbits rounding towards the horizon to reveal yet another day under the glorious SUN!
How I would love to bloom like a marigold, so orange and bright under the warmth of a sky shielding it from the dark spells of sorrow. How I wish to have the strength of an arrowhead, delicate yet persistent, steadily climbing up to make it through another day, week, month and year.
What is it that I can do today to wake up a better person tomorrow? How can I become and stay persistent through of all the warm spells as well as dark ones – especially the dark ones. How do I become a helping figure in the lives of those around me, someone who brightens up the room, who can be a shoulder to support those in need, who can be a guiding light when the going gets tough, who is not afraid to jump into the spray when there is no other way – for there isn’t! What can we do except move ahead or stagnate. There is no constant, no unchanging state. There is only forward or backward!
Write everyday. I want to make a journal so big that none of my thoughts ever escape unrecorded! I want to cultivate the discipline of preparedness. Of exploration. Of NEWness every single day! There should be no dull moment in which the darkness may come calling. I won’t let it invade my head. There will always be a pen and paper handy to jot down the wonder construed by an idle mind. So much can be gained by simply keeping my thoughts flowing instead of sitting in front of a mirror staring into my own eyes and seeing not a single emotion stir!
Even as I sit and proof read this outburst I wonder what will tomorrow bring. Will my will to persevere mutate into a drive, like I want it to, or will it fizzle out like never before. Like every single time before this… Will my rational mind yet again turn towards rationalisation in order to shoo away this bleak sliver of hope? I wish it would not. I wish that I wake up tomorrow and feel like a cat ready to pounce upon the next hurdle. Identify the next challenge and take it head on and raze it to the ground.